Why I Walked Away From Volleyball (And What Brought Me Back)

I quit volleyball my senior year due to performance anxiety. Years later, I'm a 4-time state champion coach. Grab my coaching tips → https://coachfreetraining.com

This is my story. Not the highlight reel version, the real one. I was a talented high school player who walked away from college offers because I couldn't handle the pressure. I didn't know it then, but what I was experiencing was completely normal performance anxiety that I just had no skills to manage.🧐 

What You'll Learn:

• Why I quit volleyball after my senior year despite college offers
• How I became a walk-on at Western Washington and eventually earned a full-ride scholarship
• The back-to-back devastating losses that forced me to look at myself as a coach
• Why talented athletes often struggle most with pressure and perfectionism
• How I went from not knowing how to manage anxiety to becoming a Mental Performance Coach
• The moment I realized I wasn't training the mental side of the game with my own team 

👋🏼 I'm Coach Bre - a mental performance coach for girl athletes, Co-Founder of The Elite Competitor, and a long-time head volleyball coach and 4-time state champion.

🕓 Key Moments:
00:00 Introduction and Background
01:03 Early Athletic Journey
02:53 Stepping Away and Returning to Volleyball
04:52 Multi-Sport Experience and Finding Her Fit
07:00 Understanding Performance Anxiety
09:17 Coaching Philosophy and Awareness
11:37 Early Coaching Challenges
13:15 Developing Mental Performance Skills

💬 Coaches - comment below: Have you ever experienced a loss that made you completely rethink how you coach?

📌 Free Tools & Next Steps
🔹 Grab our in-depth FREE training → https://coachfreetraining.com
🔹 Follow us on IG → @elitecompetitorcoach
🔹 Follow us on TikTok→ @coachhergame  

🔔 Subscribe for More → Never miss an episode of Coach Her Game! 

P.S. A few stats worth knowing:

• 70% of youth athletes quit sports by age 13, with performance anxiety and pressure cited as leading factors (National Alliance for Youth Sports, 2022)
• Performance anxiety affects up to 60% of competitive athletes, with female athletes experiencing higher rates (Journal of Clinical Sport Psychology, 2022)
• Athletes who receive process-focused praise show 28% higher resilience scores than those receiving outcome-focused praise (Sports Psychology Research Journal, 2021)

The Coach Her Game YouTube channel is hosted by The Elite Competitor and is dedicated to helping coaches of girl athletes strengthen their mental game and team culture in order to develop a competitive edge. 

#mentaltraining #performanceanxiety #coachingstory #athletementalhealth #mentaltoughness

Head to coachfreetraining.com to grab our free training for coaches to quickly level-up your team's mental game!

Transcript

1:04

It was painful to watch my team crumble in these situations, and it takes a lot of humility to look at what. What's the reason for that? Because a lot of coaches will blame their players and they'll just say they couldn't, they didn't, they couldn't do it, or this person, you know, messed up or this and that, and that's what I did the first year. I was like, yeah, I was, you know, I was kind of this player, so I did everything I could, and when it happened again, I was like, I have to look at myself as a coach. This is too painful to be that close and not be able to finish because of mental errors. Guest today is Brie. Smedley, uh, Brie has a incredible background in athletics. She's the founder and CEO of a company called the Elite Competitor. We're gonna hear all about that more, but, uh, Brie Smedley, welcome to Wednesday Wisdom. Awesome. Thanks so much for having me. Brie, we always like to let our listeners have a chance to get to know our guests. So give us your quick bio, where you were born, where you grew up, uh, maybe take us up through your own, uh, college days and then we'll take a short break. But what's the Brie Smedley origin story? Yeah, well, like you mentioned, I grew up in Vancouver right around where you grew up too. So small world. Um, but yeah, I was a multi-sport athlete growing up, kind of exposed to a lot of sports, but I found my love in volleyball because I was a. Six foot tall. So, uh, Mr. Brown, the math teacher who's also volleyball coach, quickly keyed on, in, on that and got me into volleyball. And come to find out, I really liked it better than anything else I tried because I did not like pass. I didn't like the physical contact. I love that there was like a net between us. So fell in love with it kind of dove in. Once I got to high school, I started playing club and it kinda had fell into the typical cycle of playing high school, then club. But club was not what it is. Now I, I still was in the days of club where it was like, you know, we still went back to our high school seasons and it was fun. Um, but I started getting good, I started getting recruited and um, you know, by the time I was a senior I was kind of faced with the opportunity to, um, go play at the next level. And I did what nobody expected me to do. And I quit actually after my senior season in high school because, um, what I can see now removed, you know. Gosh, 18 years, 20 years, can't even, I graduated in oh seven. Um, was that I was dealing internally with what a lot of athletes deal with pressure, perfectionism, especially girl athletes that are just feeling like they have to do everything perfectly or it's not good enough, and no one would really know that from the outside because I was a really talented player, but on the inside it was just this pressure that I felt like was something I didn't wanna handle for another four years. So instead of going on to play, I decided that I would walk away Now. And the thing about it is I went to, you're probably familiar with Western Washington University, um, you know, about five hours north. Um, and so I went to school there just to be a student. I told everybody I was burned outta volleyball. I'm just gonna go and be a student. The secret was that I was not burned outta volleyball. I was burned out of feeling like I didn't know how to manage pregame anxiety. I just. You know, all of those things that all athletes deal with, but most don't actually have a way to manage that. So I went to every single game at Western my freshman year. They made it to the national championship and I was like, oh my gosh, I miss this so much. Like I, I wish there was an opportunity. I mean they had a phenomenal program. And so I reached out to the coach actually after they came back from the national championship, they were the runners up. And I just said like, you know, I am, I'm looking for a place. I don't know, this is just a shot in the dark, you know, here's my story. And I just kind of had this feeling of, if I don't try. Then I'm just gonna regret not, and you know, I was playing intermurals, but it just wasn't giving me the thing that I needed. And she actually responded and said, Hey, you know what, actually I was friends with some of the girls on the volleyball team. She's like, Eric, I've heard of you, and why don't you come for a, a practice, a a tryout just with me? And so I got in the gym, I was like, I'm just gonna do it. I'm so nervous. Uh, went and played and was like, all right, that's that. Um, at least I tried. Um, but she called me into her office a couple days later and was like, you know, I actually wanna offer you a walk-on spot on the team. And I was like, so, so happy. I would've paid her to play. I did not care that I was not gonna a scholarship, but I was walk-on. I just was so happy to be back in the sport. And, um, it was amazing. It was the best thing that could have happened to me because, um, this coach was a coach more than just a, I got to learn. Strategies in sports psychology. I actually got interested in sports psychology. Started studying it in my undergrad and realized that there were like tools and strategies to build my own confidence and things to do to manage pregame nerves. By the time I was a senior, she called me back into her office and offered me a full ride scholarship. I was a starter, I was loving my sport again. So, um, yeah, so kind of an unconventional, you know, college athletics story, but um, yeah, it takes me to graduation. I dunno if you wanna break there and then kinda. Kinda where, where or when after that was really impactful. But yeah, that's what got me there. Well, G guys, I, I just love to hear the stories and thanks for sharing. I wanna go back to, you know, those formative years, you know, the, the middle school and the high school. You talk about how the teacher, you know, classic story, you know, sees the tall kid and it could be a boy or a girl, you know, in the hallway, Hey, you know, we, we'd like you to come out for that sport. Um, back in your day, uh, that I guess going into high school, um. Did you think about doing other sports? You know, was the basketball coach in your ear, you know, track, uh, or were, were you just totally focused on the volleyball experience? Yeah. Um, actually my freshman year I ran cross country, so I like played in middle school and I was like, well, I'll just try something else. And, uh, running is not as fun. Um, but yeah. And then of course I was always basketball. It was always, I mean, being a tall girl, like people still ask me if I played basketball and um, you know, you should, and I tried. I didn't like it. And so, yeah. But I actually also golfed. I was a varsity golfer, um mm-hmm. In, in high school as well. So that was kind, I, I say I've like tried a lot of sports, but I really like found where I fit in volleyball and in golf and that's kind of where I dedicated my time. Okay, now, um. You talked about the anxiety that you were experiencing, you know, you know, either during or towards the end of your high school experience. Um, trying to look at, and, and again, from a coaching perspective, you know, now it's, it's, it's much better. But, you know, back in my day, uh, and even beyond, you know, that really wasn't something that we were taught as coaches. You know, the mental aspect of the game, um, for you. Was that, looking back, was that just the way that you were wired, do you feel, was the coach, and I'm not trying to throw the coach under the bus, was the coach mm-hmm. Just creating this, this high pressure, uh, environment that made everybody nervous, you know? Uh, where do you think those feelings of anxiety came? Yeah, I think this is a good question. Um, because athletes are still experiencing this and at probably a bigger level, and it isn't necessarily anything the coach is doing or, or not doing. It's the nature of pressure when it comes to athletics and performance and, um, kids just are not really given the skills. And you say it's better now, it's not. Really like I coaches aren't trained in this setting. That's why we do what we do. We can kinda get into how we help coaches with this and why it's so important is that these are all normal experiences. I wouldn't say that I was a highly anxious kid. I wouldn't say that this is, is actually abnormal. This was literally normal pre-game anxiety that I just hadn't experienced before and so didn't know what to do about it. My coach wasn't trained, and it's not my coach's fault because when I became a coach when I was 21 years old, I absolutely was not trained. I was barely trained in like. How to run a team, let alone like how to coach the mental side of the sport. These aren't, we're not sports psychologists as coaches. That's why I'm like, we, we need to, you know, equip coaches a little bit better and that's why we do what we do, but we also equip parents and, you know, there's just, there's so much more that we can do. But it's also this like, well how, how do you do it? So we can get into that. But I'll say just from my experience, no, it was not abnormal. I think that being a talented athlete, um, there's a couple things that we talk to parents about and that is when you are. A talented athlete, you automatically get noticed for your recognition for, uh, you know, for the good things that you're doing for the team, your achievements. And then you start to kind of tie like that praise with your self worth and with your contribution. Like, in order for me to get this praise and get this, you know, all of these good things that are coming to me, I've gotta perform. I remember I had like a, a game high, um, kill, you know, I had like 20 kills in a game. And it wasn't like a feeling of happiness that I had. It was a feeling of like. Great. How am I supposed to do that again? You know? And so I think a lot of athletes feel that way unintentionally. Our coaches and parents can like reinforce those things just by how, where we're placing our praise and we're placing our emphasis and our recognition. It's not like we need to ignore all the things that our, our kids do, but if we can kind of. Shift that more to like, what's the process, you know, associated with that. What are things that can be replicated? You know, I can't necessarily replicate 20 kills in a game. There's so many other factors to that, but I can replicate my work ethic. Um, how coachable I am, what did what, you know, what type of teammate I am, the goals that I have leading up to that, like a. All of that can be replicated. And so if we praise and emphasize those, those things can lead to confidence. So I think that it's a, it's a, you know, it's a loaded question because it can come from a lot of different aspects and parenting and coaching and all that. But no, my coaches were great and my parents were great. They were just doing the best they could and with what they knew. And, um, all that to say, the message I'm hoping that coaches are hearing is that this is normal. Like all athletes are going to experience these things, and so just having a couple tools to give them makes a huge difference when they're experiencing this. Right. And again, I'm, I'm glad you you elaborate on that. And for me, when I say it's better, what I mean is now there's an awareness of of mm-hmm. Kids are going through this. You know, when I was a, a, a student athlete, when I was a young coach growing up, I mean, it was like, Hey, suck it up. Uh, if it was even addressed at all. So, uh, yeah, that's what I meant. It's better now'cause there is their awareness, but you're right. Mm-hmm. Coaches still aren't getting the training that they, they really need to get. Yeah. You mentioned, uh, you went from college, um. Your college playing experience, uh, right into coaching? Uh, how did that all happen? Yeah, well, um, part of my college coach's, I don't know, coaching like framework is that, um, in order to know the game, the highest level was to teach it. And so she actually had opportunities for us to coach while we were still playing under her. She had a club that she was, that she owned and affiliate, so she gave us opportunities to actually coach while I was still in college. Excuse me. So I coached a couple club teams. My junior and senior year, and then when I graduated, so I was in the teaching program, I had a master's in education, so I became a teacher right away and naturally became a coach as well. And you know, so they kind of were the package deal and I was like, you know, gungho right outta college, I'm taking over program. And um, yeah, so that's, I mean, I was in the high school teaching, I was teaching PE and health, I was coaching the volleyball team. So that's just kind of what it led into. And um, what I, you know, what I was excited to do was to give back to the game. Um, as you were, you know, and again, when we have this expression, whether it's a coach or an ad, you don't know what you don't know, uh mm-hmm. Obviously you knew skills and instruction and and that sort of thing, but what were some things that you found out as a coach that you didn't know? I mean, right away I noticed that my athletes were struggling with the same thing that I struggled with in high school. You know? And even though I had been taught some of those skills from my coach, I was like, I still, this is seems like a different ball game. Um, and so early on in my coaching career, I was like, yeah, we can like practice and have really intentionally design practices and make sure that the girls are getting all of like the training and the skills that they need and. Yet still, you know, practice looked really good and then we get in the game, it's like a different situation or we get down and then we like can't recover. Or if we lose the first like few points in a game, it's like it's just over from there and they don't believe in themselves. The first program I took over was, um, a smaller program here in Washington and had a history of losing. You know, and so that kind of became their identity and their belief. And I was there for, um, four years or three years before and, and really made some great strides, you know, with the girls and, and turned the program around. They, they, uh, made their playoff, like they made it to playoffs for the first time and like, you know, decades or something like that. But we ultimately moved back to Vancouver where my family was when we were considering starting our family. And that's where I took over the program where I am now, that I've been at 11 years. And, um, it was here when I was coaching at Columbia River that I was like. I've gotta do something about the mental side of the game. Like we lost in like back to back and I had very talented players that were coming through my program, um, back to back years in this winter to state loser out situation where we were up two sets, um, you know, up in the third set to go to state. And then we lose, we lose the set, and then we lose the next two games. And we call that a reverse sweep in volleyball. And it's like, how did that happen? You know, like we were, um, we were talented enough to do it, but we just couldn't. And so. Um, about five years or five, five to six years of my coaching career, I actually went back to become a mentor performance coach and like really learn how do I teach these skills to my kids? Um, like how can we do this? And I used my girls as like the test, the pilot group, the, the, the test dummies to like consider and, and start learning some of these skills. We taught, you know, how to come back. We taught a snapback routine, how to come back from mistakes, taught pregame rituals. Um, we did a daily mindset routine, some visualization, like there's a lot of different. Skills that we started incorporating, that I started incorporating into the program with some good results. And you know, I've been doing it with my team for about, uh, seven years now, so it's kind of just ingrained in our culture. But, um, after I started, you know, started seeing like this actually is making a difference. Um. I teamed up with my, my sister-in-law who also has a background in athletics. We founded our company, the Elite competitor. Um, but we can go into kind of what that looks like now as well. But that's really where the gaps were and what I started to see. Like these girls need more than just physical skills. I.