Coach Her Game

The Best Coaching Style to Coach Female Athletes

• Coach Bre • Season 1 • Episode 2

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Welcome to Episode 2 of the Coach Her Game Podcast!

Have you ever felt like you’re “too much” or “not enough” as a coach? Too tough or too soft? Too intense or too emotional? It’s time to break free from the double standards and own your coaching style.

In this episode, Coach Bre dives into:

✅ Why female coaches are judged differently—and how to push past it
âś… The strengths women bring to coaching that no one talks about
âś… How to stop overcompensating and lead with confidence
âś… The balance between being demanding and being caring
✅ Why winning and building strong relationships aren’t opposites

00:00 Introduction: The Double Standard in Coaching
00:26 Personal Story: Criticism and Realization
01:21 Embracing Your Coaching Style
02:16 Breaking Free from Traditional Coaching
04:45 Key Strengths of Female Coaches
06:06 Practical Tips and Strategies

Don’t miss Episode 3: How my team won 4 state championships in 4 years—and what you can steal from our success.

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Introduction: The Double Standard in Coaching

 đź“Ť  đź“Ť Have you ever felt like no matter what you do as a coach, it's never 

 quite right? 

 You're either too tough or you're 

 too soft. 

 You're too emotional or 

 too distant.

 You're too demanding, but not demanding enough to be honest, it's hard to ignore the double standard here. 

 Men can be intense, but they're called passionate. 

 They're direct, they're seen as strong, as leaders. And when women are intense, they're 

 too much. 

 When she demands more, she's 

 hard to work with. 

 And when she wins a lot, 

  đź“Ť  đź“Ť  đź“Ť People question her motives. 

 

Personal Story: Criticism and Realization

 đź“Ť Here's a story I'll never forget. Someone told me recently, actually two people, back to back, kind of through the grapevine, I heard that, you know, Bre, yeah, 

 all she cares about is winning. 

 It was met as criticism, and honestly, I kept thinking back to my husband, who is a football coach, track coach. Honestly, that would be a compliment because winning is the goal, right?

And here's the thing, 

 of course I care about winning. 

 That's why I built a culture of accountability, trust, and leadership because you know what leads to more wins? Confident athletes who can handle pressure, a team that trusts each other, a program where every player knows they belong and they matter. 

 So if winning means that I care about the environment where my athletes thrive, then yeah, I'll probably own that.

 But for a long time, I felt like I had to coach The right way. And in order to coach the right way, 

 I had to sacrifice being who I was. 

 I had to be tougher. 

 I had to be louder. 

 I had to be more serious in order to be taken seriously 

 until I realized that my coaching style wasn't a weakness. It's actually my biggest strength.

 

Embracing Your Coaching Style

And I'm going to be talking today about why your coaching style is actually your superpower. 

 In this episode, I'm going to be breaking down how to free yourself from this double standard that exists for us as female coaches. The strengths you likely already have, but don't realize it. And how to lead with confidence without overcompensating or burning out.

 And I haven't met you. I'm coach Bree. I'm a mental performance coach and a longtime head volleyball coach and a mom. I know firsthand what it's like to juggle building an elite program while also balancing life as a woman and a mom in this coaching field. 

 And that's why I've created Coach Her Game, the podcast for coaches who want to develop confident, mentally tough athletes and stay true to who they are in the process.

 In this podcast, we ditch the old school coaching playbook and we focus on what really works. Mental training, leadership, and culture 

 so that you can build a program that you're proud of without burning out. Sound good? 

 All right, let's get into it. 

Breaking Free from Traditional Coaching

 Let's talk about how we can break free of this double standard that we know all exists.

We've been conditioned that there is one way to coach. And to be totally honest, when I first became a coach, I just kind of coached how I saw other people coaching. And I also was young when I got into coaching. I mean, my first head coaching job. was a club. I don't even really count this in my coaching experience, but it was there.

I was a head volleyball coach when I was 21 years old. And in the club setting, I took over my first program when I was 23. And, uh, the program that I'm at right now, I've been here for 10 years. And I took that program over when I was 27. So I was young. I felt like I had to really prove myself, which in many ways was true, but in order to do that, I felt like I had to be very serious.

I'd be very demanding. No nonsense. You can't pull anything over me. No excuses. You know, I just had kind of this rigid way of going about things because I felt like I had to. And honestly, because I was a little insecure, I didn't want people to not take me seriously. So I kind of had to be Over the top.

Right? And the, we talk here about this old tool versus new playbook and why the old way doesn't really work. And part of that old belief system that I held was that authority equals respect. You can't show emotion. Mental toughness meant you got to figure it out and just get over it. No excuses. Players should adjust to you, not the other way around.

You know, if you don't like it, sorry. Winning matters, but really, let's be honest, only if a man does it. Okay, that might be a little bit of a stretch, but honestly. And here's why this really doesn't work anymore. Today's athletes need trust. They need connection. They need belief in order to perform their best.

And the best coaches don't demand respect. They earn it by creating an environment where their athletes thrive. And the best way you can do that is to honestly be yourself. Athletes can, can sense it. Teenagers can, they can pick up on it. It's like they can sniff it out that when you're not being yourself and you're just kind of putting on a show, they, they can sense the inauthenticity. 

They can sense the inauthenticity in that. So instead of trying to prove yourself or coach the way you think you should, let's talk about what actually works and the strengths of being a female coach in this field. And if you're not a female coach, you are totally welcome to still listen to this because you likely have some of these qualities too that you might actually be, you know, not letting shine through in your coaching when it would actually benefit your athletes if you did.

All right. 

Key Strengths of Female Coaches

So the key strengths of being a female coach, things that we chewed up. Lean into a little bit emotional intelligence, understanding what drives your athletes and helping them navigate their emotions and teach them how to handle pressure, connection and communication, strong relationships equals stronger performance.

Athletes play their best when they feel seen, heard and validated. And this holistic approach is critical. approach to leadership, not just coaching players, but developing leaders. Now there's, that's very loaded. You're like, well, how the heck do I do all of that? Okay. Well, that's why this podcast exists.

That's why our YouTube channel exists. So we break all this down and give you tangible strategies. And that's kind of a, you know, 10, 000 foot view of how this could actually be one of your, your superpowers, connecting with your athletes, um, kind of sensing what they're going through coaching more than just their physical skills. 

Okay, so, you're, you're not  So by Brenging this into your coaching, you're not actually doing a disservice to your athletes. In fact, you're doing a disservice to them by not leaning into that side of your coaching. And very simple ways that I do this with athletes. We do check ins on a weekly basis where I have individual meetings with athletes.

I check in before practice. We do our, our 10 second daily routine. That's over on the YouTube channel. If you want to check out our 10 second daily check in with athletes, a really simple way to touch base. I do, uh, incorporate mental training so that they do have these emotional regulation skills. 

Practical Tips and Strategies

And I'll talk about another kind of key thing that I had to make a shift and a switch to early on in my coaching career in order for me to actually be in coaching as long as I, as long as I am and as long as I wanted to be.

Okay. So yeah. The key takeaway here is you're not too much, you're not too soft, you're not too demanding. You're leading in a way that you want to lead and that's exactly why we need more coaches doing that. But let's talk about how to lead with confidence without overcompensating or Brenging up because I know we can kind of swing the pendulum in, you know, too far in either direction.

And I know this probably sounds cliche, but one of the key things that you can do as a coach is to be yourself like I said at the beginning, I was being somebody else for a long time because I thought that's what I had to be. And one of the most freeing moments as a coach was when I realized that my athletes actually liked it when I am more myself around them.

So when I say more myself, I like to Make fun of myself. I like to, um, I like to incorporate humor into our day to day. Um, we decided to start doing a talent show in our program every year. And this talent show, I mean, you know, it's just kind of your standard run of the mill talent show. You come with a talent and you do your thing.

Um, I have for a long time, I don't, Um, I don't really know, I don't know where this came from, but, um, I like to take songs and make parodies of them. So the first, the first example of this, I can't believe I'm sharing this, um, was when I was working at Jamba Juice. Okay, I was working at Jamba Juice in high school and, um, you know, it was a slow day and I got the, the Fertile Wishes song stuck in my head.

You know, Fergalicious definition. Okay. Yeah, you got it. And I changed that into Jambalicious definition, you know, and then I created a whole song about it. Okay. I don't know why my brain just like does this thing. And, um, so I decided for one of these talent shows, I was going to make a parody of my team's season, um, to the tune of Miley Cyrus  And so I did this dressed up in the whole, the whole shebang.

I got this like red jumpsuit suit that was like three sizes too small. I got it from, from Goodwill. And I went out and I did a performance and did this parody. And I was like,  you know, doing this in front of teenagers, a tough crowd, tough crowd. Okay. But to be honest, it was, um, it was hilarious. Mostly cringy but hilarious, but it started a tradition started a thing now every single year I at this point like I don't know how I'm gonna one up myself because I've been doing this for like five years running I've been fresh Prince of Bel Air been Taylor Swift  Yeah, so  But honestly, it's been one of the most freeing things for me, because I'm Brenging a little bit of personality in a way that allows athletes to see a different side of me.

And I'm not saying that you have to do that, you know, full bore, but where can you Breng a little bit more of yourself into, into your coaching and into your program so that athletes can be free to actually be themselves as well. Psychological safety is huge for athletes in order to compete their best.

And psychological, psychological safety means that, you know, You know, I can be myself and I belong here. I'm okay. I can dress up as Miley Cyrus and do a parody to Party in the USA and people are just going to be okay with me. They might think it's a little weird, but you know what? I'm all right. Okay. So where can you, where can you do that?

Okay.  And avoiding the next, the next big thing was avoiding the, the, The overcompensation trap, like I said, swinging the pendulum too far in one direction or the other. And you've got to be,  you've got to have some emotional awareness as a coach. Like you've got to check in with yourself. A lot of my coaching journey that I also didn't realize along the way was like, where, where's my ego?

What am I like? What's this Brenging up in me? And. Sometimes when I feel like I have to be tougher, I have to like, you know, really prove myself. I have to suppress like who I am in order to be accepted and liked as a coach. I can't tell you how many times, you know, I have a, I have a male assistant coach and um, you know, refs go up to the, my assistant because he's a guy, um, you know, asking him for the lineup.

Even though I'm literally writing the lineup right there. I'm the one warming up the team. I'm the one, you know, doing all the things. Um, yeah. And so sometimes I see that and I'm like, Oh, I've got to like, You know, overcompensate for that. And I'm like, you know what? That's actually on the ref. Yeah, that's their issue that they've got that, that blind, those blinders on that they think like automatically, um, my assistant, who's a male is the head coach.

Okay. But where can you actually be aware of where you might be swinging that pendulum like too far in the opposite direction. And because you're going to burn out, you're honestly going to like feel, I felt exhausted. I didn't like going to practice because I felt like I just wasn't, you know, Instead, leaning into authentic leadership, leading in a way that feels right for you, strategic confidence, right?

Trusting your approach while setting clear expectations and creating those boundaries around, um, who you are as a coach. And that takes, like I said, a lot of reflection, a lot of, um, a lot of, a lot of time, honestly, coaching to be able to recognize this in yourself. Okay. Um, two other things that have really helped me in this area, leaning on your staff to fill the gaps.

You don't have to be everything. You don't. You can't. Okay? But you just have to know your strengths and surround yourself with people who fill in the rest. Right? I love being in charge of, um, the direction of the program. I love being the visionary. I love setting up an environment for athletes where they thrive and creating systems for them for accountability and for leadership.

Like, that is my jam. I love it. Um, I love practice planning and I love, like, creating all of that strategy. I love connecting with players, um, but you know what? I, I don't love always handling a lot of the emotional side of the sport. I pray that might come as a surprise to you. Yes, we train the mental side of the game.

We help athletes with their emotional regulation, but I have a coach on my staff. Who loves doing that? She loves getting into it. Um, without like, just spill it all out. What's going on with your day? Like, just tell me at all. Like I, I have a hard time, you know, holding space for that. Um, a lot of it because I've got a lot of other things that I'm, I'm making sure that I'm doing.

But, um, this coach on my staff, like, is strategically filling that, that position in a very, um, a very good way, right? She's got clear boundaries around how, what that looks like and, and all of that. But, um, she feels that she is like the teddy bear. She's the emotional teddy bear that athletes know that they can go to.

Okay. Um, I've got a coach on my staff who is super detail oriented. Like, uh, you know, he'll break down.  arm swing and he'll break down footwork. Okay. Um, he can see things that I can't see. And I used to be like, Oh, should I be looking at the, should I be seeing that? No, like let, let them do that. Let them fill the gaps, lean into what you're good at.

Now, I know that we might not always be able to like hire perfectly for all of these things, but, um, the more aware you are of what your strengths are and the more aware of where the gaps are, the more that you can fill those. Okay. So, and then the other thing is striking this balance of demanding yet caring.

That's what I always am like, okay, how can I,  how can I strike the balance, set the high standard, but also be that coach that's like, I care about you. That's why I'm holding the standard. Okay. And pushing them hard, but giving them the tools to succeed. So you can coach with heart and expect greatness.

Okay, the best leaders do both. And honestly, I know that a lot of this stuff is theory in this episode. You're like, okay, this all sounds great, but like how to actually do this. Um, as we go along in these episodes, we'll break things down. I'll give you quick tips and strategies on how I do this. Um, what I've learned through mental training and what works there as well to help with all of this.

And YouTube channel, we've got a lot of resources there where we break all of this down. Um, Yeah, and if you want a quick way to kind of dive into the mental side of it. We have a training specifically for coaches on how you can train the mental side of the game in as little as 30 minutes a week. We have a plug and play way to do that.

If you go to coach. elitecompetitor. com forward slash training. So that's coach. elitecompetitor.  com forward slash training. You can check out that training for coaches and it's just a really easy way for you to incorporate mental training, which leads to all of these other wonderful things in your program that we talk about in this podcast.

All right. If this resonated with you, make sure to hit subscribe, share with another coach who needs to hear it. Remember, your leadership style is your superpower. 

 In this next episode, coming up in episode three, we're going to be diving into how my team has won four state championships in the past four years.

  đź“Ť  It's true. I honestly can't believe it myself. This just happened this past fall. I'm like, did we really do that again? And some tips that you can steal from me on how we did that and things that I would actually do differently, even with the success that we've had. So I'll see you there